"I gave him a miserable nod."But I'll tell you something else," he said after a minute. "The woman, they sent me to counseling after. They're good abo...t that. And I remember some of the things the counselor said. He told me that, in the heat of the moment, you might do some stuff that you wouldn't ­otherwise do. Panic sets in, fight or flight; you do what you have to do to survive. And you have to be able to understand that afterwards, to forgive yourself for what you had to do." It's not the—". Guruji had made all the arrangements, Roopa Devi (Maaji) was in a maroon sari and was looking like a goddess of beauty. She had lots of colorful bangles, flowers in her hair, and lipstick.We got married in the ashram, took blessings from Guruji, and he wished us good luck. We came back home by evening and Rani had made all the arrangements for the first night.I went inside the room and waited, reading some magazines. I was not sure what will happen and how to react. Maaji came into my room. All business, this guy. After looking in my ears, eyes and feeling around my neck he tells me to lay back on the exam table. He presses down on parts of my abdomen and right above my groin. I'm doing my best not to look at him so I don't get even more of a hard-on. "Alright," he says in a quiet voice, "Stand up and I'll do your testicular exam" I stand in front of him wearing only my underwear. Without a word he puts on blue exam gloves and pulls my underwear down. He rolls and squeezes each of. I doubt that, bitch. Whos going to call the cops? I asked, leering at her. Seeing that she was struggling for an answer, I leaned close to her ear and whispered into it: You are going to die tonight. Her face paled, and the thrashing got more violent. She was struggling, trying so fucking hard to get free, out of my strong arms. I am tall. I am heavy. I am built. Shes just a girl, probably not weighing more than 120 pounds. What chance did she ever have? Against me? Against any man? I held both.
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